regardless of how much fun i have, and how many great people i meet, and how many awesome things i do, i will always return to focus on the mistakes i make, and the opportunities i missed.
it's really sad to me: i will never forgive myself for the stupidest and most insignificant of things. i keep my shortcomings so close to me. i guess i do it because i want to improve. but i will always make mistakes, and if i don't learn to let go of them, i'll never ever be fucking happy. i don't see myself becoming less scrutinous anytime soon.
always always always always always. how many times did i fucking use that word. HOW CAN I FORGIVE AND FORGET SOMETHING IF I'VE ALREADY FINALIZED IT? i can't.
fuck me this is stupid.
i need to be alone.
i want to build a kayak and take all summer to paddle from alfred to west palm and not see a single person for the duration
i want to be alone.
or i just need a different crowd of people. like those nice christians we met camping. i miss them.
Current Mood: my hopes are low
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